Slyvia Nkatha: My evolving self

Article by: Slyvia Nkatha

So, I am not flirting with 30, we are practically engaged and will be walking down the aisle by the close of the year. Mood? Excited. Weird right? Not at all. Tell you what, it does not matter what I tell you about the clarity of growing up and the confidence that comes with it, because honestly, seeing is believing. Two or three years ago I was already lying about my age, which is ridiculous no because I can barely convince most people that I am turning 30.

I will give you my list of grown stuff that I have realized actualized by themselves and I am sure most people who have experienced it will tell you the same.

  • You really, genuinely do not put stake in what people think anymore. I am trying to say, in a way that is not arrogant or nonchalant, you get comfortable in your own skin. You accept yourself and it is not even a conscious decision, you just find that you do.
  • Your brain starts to function differently. For me at least. Suddenly I am extremely introspective with my thoughts, and decisions, on an average basis. But somehow, now I look at stuff from every perspective possible and find myself doing things differently than I used to. Like asking for help when I need it. The old me, could never drop my guard and let anyone assist me.
  • We are somehow becoming our parents. The other day I caught myself picking up sharp sticks and thorns from the compound at home where my toddler plays so that he does not hurt himself. I kid you not, my brother, who was sitting there started laughing and said I am certifiably old now, because that is what grown folk do.
  • No is golden. For most of my life, I have avoided conflict, more than anything, I have paid for that in unpleasant ways. Now, I have realized, I can easily say no, I am not coming, I am not giving you money, you cannot speak to me like that, get out, do not call past a certain time, I am busy, and all that without a problem.
  • You start to value time spent with loved ones. Intentionally. I personally speak to my parents on a daily basis. This to me is new. Especially because I was the least attached child of my siblings, I could go weeks with just a text or minimal calls to my parents, and even go 3 or more months without going home. Now they have to convince me to leave whenever I do ha-ha.
  • Responsibility starts to nag you more than you would prefer. My friends I have become the most frugal person I know right now. I do not spend a coin where I find it unnecessary; I mean the economy is not helping but I have become so strict with my finances and I do not know why I am agreeing with myself but I am.
  • Grace starts to abide in you towards others. Remember how you would see someone acting weird and immediately judge them? You will stop doing that. Just you wait; your head will start to rationalize a lot of reasons as to why some people act as they do, why someone talks how they do, why some things will never change, and so on. All I can tell you, it is a good thing, does not make you complacent or agreeable to wrong stuff, but it is easier to move along.
  • My personal best is calmness. If my experiences so far have taught me one thing; is that I am stronger than I thought I was. Simple as that. Situations that you could have described to me a few years ago and told me I would go through them and they would kill me have not. And that has cultivated in me a sense of peace even when things are going up in flames.



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