Flirting is for marriage

Article by Peter Mugi Kuruga - Counseling Psychologist

Image | iStockphoto

Are you still flirting with each other, even though you are married? You DO know that you should not stop romancing each other just because you’re now married… don’t you? And it’s certainly not something you should only do on your anniversary, or Valentine’s Day, or something like that. Saying, “I do” to marry doesn’t mean you say, “I don’t flirt anymore with the person I vowed to dedicate my love to for the rest of my life.”
Now that you’re married you should turn your flirting up all the more with each other. Of course, the following needs to be said too—never, ever should you flirt with anyone other than your spouse. You vowed at your wedding to be exclusive lovers.

Flirting with others offends your spouse, and undermines your marital intimacy.

Plus, it’s disrespectful towards your spouse, your marriage, and your promises to God. He is all about faithfulness and exclusiveness in marriage.

“Maybe you’ve been hitched for a few years or a few decades. Whatever the case, the spontaneity, excitement, and general panic you felt on your first few dates have likely been replaced by familiarity, comfort, and a new brand of panic associated with being too familiar. It’s natural. But it can make any relationship feel stale. That’s why you need to dust off your single’s best tool i.e. the ability to flirt.
“’ For whatever reason, when we’re married we don’t think we have to or need to do the things we did when we were dating,’ says Fran Greene, a couple’s counselor and author of The Flirting Bible. ‘Somehow when the commitment is there we feel like we can say, ‘Thank God, I don’t have to do that anymore.’ But it’s the exact opposite. Shadeen Francis, a marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia, agrees. ‘Quite often, in couples, I work with, the issue is not that partners don’t know how to flirt — they forget to make a habit of it, and they become rusty.’” So please, let’s not forget to Flirt With our married partner!

I look at flirting as anything you say or do that makes your husband/wife smile at you in a way that makes you smile back. It’s usually personal and something no one else in the room knows is going on but you. Flirting takes stealth, which is why it’s so much fun.” (Debi Walter, from article, “Flirting with Your Spouse 101”). If you haven’t flirted with each other for a while, start again now. It can be a new beginning to take your marital “communication” to a whole new level.

How to Flirt with Your Husband or Wife:
Flirting is all about communication. You’re trying to communicate that you are charmed by this person and attracted to him or her. In the case of your spouse, you’re trying to say that this is and always will be a love connection with a lot of heat. Talk about your day or the weather or what you’re having for dinner. But be sure to naturally work in a compliment. ‘While my boss was hammering me with questions about the project, I was looking forward to coming home to you.’ Or ‘The clear blue skies today had me dreaming of your blue eyes.’ Or ‘You’re as spicy as the Kienyeji chicken I’m making for dinner.

“We often think that flirting with our spouse has to mean bringing flowers, sending love notes, and lingerie. Sure, those things are nice, but that doesn’t have to be all that flirting is. And flirting doesn’t have to be anything huge! Flirting is about knowing what makes your spouse smile. It’s knowing what makes their day, and what would be a help to them.” (Alicia Michelle, in the article, “How to Flirt with Your Husband”.

Hold Your Wife’s Hand When You Are Walking on the Street. It will mean the world to your wife if you hold her hand while walking on the street. She will feel loved and it will be the most romantic gesture. Holding her hand will give her a sense of warmth, togetherness, and protection.

Shouldn’t we feel more comfortable romancing the person who loves us through sickness and health?

Flirting [with your spouse] can be a great fertilizer for your marriage. …Playfulness and flirtatious conversation aren’t things just for when you’re trying to land a life partner. They’re actions you want to continue to keep that partner in your life. Shouldn’t we feel more comfortable romancing the person who loves us through sickness and health? The devil strives to destroy marriages, and he tells us we can’t have an exciting marriage, hot sex life, or even romance in our marriage. But that’s a lie. …I say we break the stereotypes that equate flirting with affairs! Flirting is for marriage.”

Therefore, please make your spouse smile. Find ways to give your spouse goosebumps! And enjoy, enjoy, enjoy looking for ways to flirt with your spouse. Flirting with your spouse is fun, and it grows your marriage in positive and intimate ways.

Peter Mugi Kuruga
Dip.,, M.A., Ph.D. (Ongoing).
Counseling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist


SOURCEPeter Mugi Kuruga, is the Founder of Giving Hope Counselling Services |
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