It is not uncommon to hear believers saying that they are waiting on the Lord for a spouse. Whereas this is a very good and godly thing to do, the problem arises when the person passively waits. When it comes to love matters, God has designed things in such a way that, although there is divine guidance, there is human responsibility. The story of how Adam met Eve will not repeat itself. The descendants of Adam can no longer continue in slumber waiting for their Eves to be brought to them. Rather, our passage hints at this, they must find their own loves, their wives. This way (I speak here tongue in cheek), no one will ever again tell God, “The woman you gave me…”

If one must do the finding in order to obtain a spouse, whose responsibility then is it to pursue this? Unfortunately, we live in a time when we are witnessing men becoming more passive as ladies become more aggressive. Young men would rather not pursue a lady for marriage while young ladies are advised to, ‘Shoot their shot.’ Yet this doesn’t seem to be the pattern offered for us in the Scriptures. It is the man who is to find a wife and not the other way round. The earthly relationship between a man and his wife is a great act portraying the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. It is Him who seeks her and not the other way round. Jesus once told His disciples, “You did not choose me, but I chose you…” (John 15:16). This is the Biblical pattern – the man does the choosing and the pursuing while the lady lovingly responds. This is not to end  with the nuptials, but the husband must continue to pursue the wife even in marriage. Yet, ultimately, the question of pursuing and being pursued is really a question of faith. I borrow a quote I learnt from my wife to sum this up:

“A man expresses faith by risking rejection in his pursuit. A lady expresses faith by patiently waiting to be pursued.”

1. Do you agree that pursuit is the domain of the man?

2. If you are married, how should pursuit look like in your marriage?